Feeling emotionally secure with an avoidant partner can be difficult. But just because an avoidant lover can be afraid of committing, doesn’t mean they don’t love you. There can be a deep love and steadfast loyalty behind that avoiding attitude.
It’s the basic nature of an avoidant to observe solitude from time to time. One small issue and they can distance themselves from friends, family, and even their lover. All this is because they are afraid to commit due to the fear of being rejected.
Acknowledging and accepting this behavior can be extremely difficult, but once you learn to recognize these shifts of emotions, things can get easier.
But, let’s first recognize if your avoidant partner loves you. This article will help give you clarity of thought over your relationship with an avoidant partner.
Who is a love-avoidant?
Simply put, a love-avoidant is someone who finds it difficult to have close relationships. Even if they are deeply in love, they can have plenty of rules about how close they can get, what to share, what to say, etc.
Even though you are very special to them, they may hardly show any affectionate gestures to you. Most times, these lovers are taken as distant and cold personalities. However, with a little effort from your end, they can become very good partners.
One of the prime issues with the nature of a love avoidant is they overthink. For them falling in love with someone can be a very complicated matter. Before dating you, they will study your behavior, attitude, and emotional reaction carefully. This means
, if they choose to date you, you are the perfect match for them.
Challenges can arise when they feel forced to commit. This can lead to some of the following situations
- In some cases, an avoidant may feel overwhelmed with all the attention and intimacy, which can lead them to make rash decisions.
- In other cases, they have this irrational fear of getting cheated, or abused, so they won’t commit.
- Sometimes an avoidant lover develops the fear of losing their partner. They think of worst-case scenarios like what will happen if you die or leave them.
This unnecessary fear can lead an avoidant lover astray. While they are busy preparing for the worst, they lose focus on the present, and their partners start feeling discontent. To maintain a good relationship with such personalities, you need to understand and respect their emotions.
Before making a decision, you need to be sure whether your avoidant partner loves you or not. Going ahead, we will discuss 7 signs that can indicate deep love:
6 signs an avoidant loves you
A healthy relationship requires a balance of intimacy and space. However, when one partner is distancing themselves, intimacy and commitment can suffer. If you are in such a situation, you need to decipher the silent gestures they show toward you. Look for these 6 signs in their behavior:
1. They are closer to you than anyone else
To understand if your avoidant partner loves you or not, notice how they behave with others. Usually, we have a firm perception of love and we expect our lovers to fit into that criterion. If you are expecting them to fit your checklist, then you may be setting yourself up for disappointment.
Instead of comparing their gestures to how a lover should behave or how your friend’s relationship is, see how they behave with others around them. Now compare that to how they treat you.
- Are they most attentive towards you?
- Do they prefer spending time with you over other people?
- Are they gentler towards you than towards their friends and colleagues?
If the answer to these questions is a yes, then they’re likely trying to show affection. The whole situation might not seem very romantic, but as they begin to feel more comfortable with you, they will gradually open up.
2. They do unusual things for you
An avoidant partner can be aware that they are lacking somewhere in the relationship and so they may try to compensate it the other way. They do not want you to stay unsatisfied or leave them. That’s why you will witness them making small efforts to keep you happy.
For instance, if they know that you miss homemade food, they would sometimes cook for you. Or when you are upset, they would try to cheer you up with things you like.
They will notice small things like what you like and dislike. Maybe will gift you something that you mentioned a while ago or will take you to an interesting place.
Keep in mind that these efforts are not always heroic or out of a fairy tale, but they will be genuine.
3. They can’t stay away from you
A partner with avoidant nature tends to disappear when they feel emotionally overwhelmed. Such people don’t share their problems with anyone and even if they do, it may take some time to open up. There can be many reasons behind this distancing:
- They might not want to burden you with their problems.
- They are afraid of being judged.
- They consider it best to solve any problem on their own.
- They are hesitant in asking for help.
- They feel it’s best to detach themselves when facing negative emotions.
An avoidant lover may distance themselves after a disagreement or even if they have issues in their personal life. But, once they calm down, they are likely to return. They might also make an effort to explain what has happened and why they were so distant.
In the beginning, it may be difficult for you to cope with the behavior and can trigger your abandonment issues. It would be a healthy choice for you and your partner to address these issues and try to establish some ground rules regarding distancing.
4. They bend their rules for you
If you are in love with an avoidant, you should know by now how rigid they can be. They have a set of rules in their life that they would not break for anyone. It’s basically to protect themselves from getting hurt.
These rules can be anything. For instance, not showing public affection or sharing with others that they are in a relationship. Additionally, an avoidant might not want to get too close
r while dating. But, if they have developed deep feelings for you, they might start bending those rules.
Bending a rule for you may indicate that your partner loves you. While they still might hold some strict rules, give them some time and then you can determine then if the relationship is a good fit.
5. They share their fears and vulnerabilities
Being in love means sharing a large portion of your lifewith your partner and this applies even to an avoidant partner. If not everything, they will at least share some of their secrets and vulnerabilities with you. Try to remember any point in time they opened up to you and shared something personal. For instance:
- Have they told you a childhood story
- Have they told something very personal about their family
- Did they share with you their fear
- Have they shared their future plan with you?
Oftentimes, a person who is in love will try to include you in their life and for that, they will try to share their past, present, and future with you. They might also share their dreams and aspirations with you.
6. They start getting intimate with you
Due to the fear of being cheated, ditched, and judged, avoidants can refrain from deep intimacy or any kind of physical relationship. But, when they are actually in love with you, you will find them leaning toward you. This can be anything like holding hands, hugs, cuddling, kissing, or even sex.
For you, these acts might be normal, but for them, it’s a big deal. They may be slow and hesitant towards intimacy initially, but with time, you will find them getting comfortable with it.